Stuck on Twitter

I opened a Twitter account November 2013.

I don’t even remember why to be honest.

It’s not like I ever used it.

Until two weeks ago when a friend of mine strongly suggested I get active on Twitter as a way to spread my message (and upcoming book) about S.T.U.C.K.

Oh boy.

I don’t have time for this.

And I have Facebook!

Isn’t that enough?

Well, apparently not, if I want to broaden my spectrum of professional connections across the world.

So, impulsive me, I opened up Twitter that night.

(As if I had nothing else better to do on a Saturday night.)

Do I really need to be spending my time on this?

And what am I supposed to be doing on Twitter anyway?

I was clueless.

So my dear friend graciously offered me a Twitter crash course.

I learned all sorts of things like how to start getting followers, when to tweet, what to tweet about, why to tweet, and the importance of conversations and maintaining connections/relationships you build.

After this lesson, though I was still hesitant, I thought maybe Twitter wouldn’t be as intimidating as I had originally thought.

So, I gave it a second chance.

I updated my bio and started to follow more people.

I posted a picture of my daughter dancing with a caption, “Consider taking a leap of faith.”

Should one post a picture of their child on Twitter, like they do on Facebook?

Can I delete a tweet?

I read, liked and retweeted people’s messages, but the truth is, I couldn’t even quite understand the tweets because instead of normal sentences you find on Facebook, here on #Twitter, #words #hashtags and shortened #URLs no #sense #clarity.

I tried to private message a new Twitter acquaintance who offered to help me get around, but my attempt at private messaging actually turned into a public tweet for all to see.

Sugh.

I posted an article about a woman who left her husband because she was stuck her husband left the dishes in the sink. I used the hashtag #thestuckmethod in my tweet, but apparently you don’t hashtag #thestuckmethod because no one would be doing a hashtag search for “thestuckmethod”.

Can you hashtag #stress? Yes.

#Anxious? Yes.

#Overwhelmed? Yes.

Can someone just put me in a time machine and take me back to the 50’s? I think that’s where I wanna be living.

I walked away from the computer, lay down on my yoga mat, and did some deep breathing.

I thought about how I need to build up an audience to spread the message of S.T.U.C.K.

I thought about how I need Twitter to make that happen.

I thought about all the missed opportunities that will happen if I don’t get a strong Twitter presence.

But I reflected on those beliefs and realized they weren’t entirely true.

So, I considered the following:

1) At this point, I really don’t know how the business of S.T.U.C.K. is going to unfold and therefore don’t know what my marketing strategy will be.

2) If need be, I could hire someone to do Twitter marketing for me.

3) I could continue to play around with Twitter for a short time and see how it goes without feeling stressed. Maybe I would actually enjoy it. Maybe I would meet other like-minded folks and broaden my community.

4) If in the end I choose not to stay on Twitter, it’s totally fine.

So, instead of being overwhelmed with what I think I need to do or what others are telling me I must do, I’m just going to take it easy for now.

Without any pressure.

I’m going to play around and see what’s going on in the world of Twitter out of pure interest and curiosity and nothing more.

*****

I got stuck on overwhelmed, but it’s OK.

I’m probably not alone in this world of heightened social media.

But what I do know is that with or without Twitter, I am grateful for the good life I have.

Stuck on Wanting to Give You Some Advice

I’ve got a friend.

Who’s in a challenging life situation.

And he’s working his way through it.

With professionals who know way more than I do on the subject.

And yet, I have a small piece of advice that I’d like to give him.

Something I fear the professionals may be overlooking and remiss in sharing with him.

I really want to pick up the phone and just tell my friend what’s on my mind.

Something that could, without sounding dramatic, help save his life.

Or at least save the situation.

I really, really want to tell him my thoughts.

My perspective.

In fact, I’ve been wanting to say something to him for years.

But, I haven’t.

Because while I’m stuck on wanting to give him advice, I’m also stuck on fear of him getting insulted by it.

My unsolicited advice, that is.

Which may make him feel judged.

Or hurt.

Or leave him to a desire of distancing himself from me.

So, I don’t say a word.

I keep my mouth shut.

But, it doesn’t mean I’m still not stuck on it.

So, I process:

 Stop.  Stop the mind chatter for a moment and take a breath.

Tell.  Tell yourself what you’re feeling. Which emotion? Desire. To share my thoughts.

Uncover.  Anything underneath this?  Yes, a very sensitive friend who doesn’t take advice or anything related to judgement well at all.

Choose.  Consider choosing another perspective. Well, a) here I am believing that my friend is lacking in some important wisdom, but the truth of the matter is he may already have it. I don’t know because I’m not 100% in the situation with him; b) my friend may not only already have this advice, he may be choosing not to act on it on purpose. In fact, maybe he believes this piece of advice is worthless; c) maybe he is acting on it and I just have no idea; d) while I kind of feel like parenting my friend, I am not his parent. Furthermore, even if I were his parent, he still may not want to be parented by me; e) the truth of the matter is, I really have no idea if my piece of advice would have any impact at all on his life or the situation.

The bottom line is, there’s more to the story here than I know because it’s not my story and I certainly don’t know everything. I’m not G-d.  Maybe if he weren’t seeking professional help, I would be taking another perspective.  But, he is. So there.

And one last thing for myself to consider: If my friend wanted any advice from me, well, he would ask.  And, he hasn’t.

So, as difficult as it is for me to hold myself back, I am consciously doing so and at the same time reminding myself to have compassion for myself (it’s o.K.) for getting stuck on my own desires in the first place.  

STUCK on Thinking I Need to Bring Everyone Gifts

Ever since I moved to Israel, I’ve made a trip back to the States yearly.

And each time, I bring back gifts for my family and friends.

Over the years I’ve brought back:

New Israeli wines,

hand-made jewelry,

soaps and olive oil from the Galilee,

Bedouin tea kettles,

hand-made challah boards,

beautifully painted rocks from Tzfat;

local spices,

local fruits (shh… don’t tell the authorities!),

chocolates,

Halvah,

teas and coffees,

Dead Sea soaps and creams,

and even some Israeli coins for the little ones.

Why do I do this?

Part of me wants to support the local businesses here.

Part of me wants to express my pride in Israel and share that with others.

Part of me wants to be generous.

And part of me thinks that I created a monster – after having brought gifts yearly for the past six years – perhaps now there’s a certain expectation from me to continue doing so!

Oy!

*********************

This year, as I started a new-found hobby of painting, I decided that I would not purchase any gifts this year.

No, I would bring my family and friends beautiful artwork.

That I would create.

At the time that this thought came to mind, I didn’t anticipate it being such a feat.

I took the advice of a my artist friend who suggested I sketch out my ideas before painting them on canvas.

So, I took out the kids’ water coloring set and played around with creating some circles.

A mandala was what I had in mind originally.

And then placing inside of it 13 words that I’ve been using in one of my spirituality groups.

 

Liking the original idea, I played around more with some spirals.

And writing words in Hebrew instead of English.

Then, I felt ready.

I went to the local art store.

Purchased canvases, paintbrushes, and acrylic paints.

And started to plan the backgrounds for these canvases.

I was looking for something simple.

Abstract.

Something on which to put the words.

For fun and for company, I invited a friend over for an evening and we played around with painting backgrounds on six canvases.

And came up with these.

And I was really pleased with the outcomes.

A few nights later, I was ready to paint on the words.

And here was the result.

What, you can’t see anything?

Well, there’s a reason for that.

I didn’t like how it turned out.

So, I completely painted over everything I did!

I realized this was going to be much more difficult than it appeared!!!

I guess there’s a reason they call artists artists!

Yes, I was stuck on bringing back some beautiful home-made gifts and nothing was gonna stop me.

So, I went back to my artist friend with my dilemma who suggested I purchase a calligraphy brush.

Which I did.

And learn a thing or two about calligraphy in general.

And Hebrew calligraphy specifically.

I watched a movie clip on YouTube and I spent time figuring out how to hold the brush the right way in order to make my letters appear like they just jumped out of a Torah scroll.

Not easy.

But, I was on a mission.

And this is what I came up with.

Part English, part Hebrew.

It’s hanging now in my kitchen.

But, honestly?

It looks like a second grader made it.

Ok, maybe not a second grader.

But certainly not someone from the artist colony from Tzfat (which is what I was striving for).

I’m certain it won’t last hanging on my kitchen wall for too long.

Honestly, just the thought that I could produce something even close to an artist who does this for a living is crazy.

But, what could I do?

I was stuck.

So, I….

Stopped.

Told myself how I was feeling.

Checked to see what may have been Underneath all of this?

And Considered choosing another perspective.

Which led me to believe that yes, I can choose not to bring gifts this time and I can choose to let go of the thought that I need to bring gifts year to year.

Which is what I’ve reconciled.

So, I’ll leave the paints and canvases for the kids.

And get on the plane empty-handed.

But full of heart and full of compassion.

STUCK on All Of The Above

I haven’t written for a while.

One month and two days to be exact.

Which is a first for me ever since starting this blog, where I typically joyfully write one post per week.

But, I’ve been stuck.

And, haven’t processed it thoroughly.

Which is why I haven’t posted in the past month.

******************

I’ve been “stuck on all of the above”.

Q: Shira, what have you been stuck on during the last month?

1. Stuck on I’m a nobody (professionally).

2. Stuck on I’m in a mid-life crisis.

3. Stuck at a Crossroad.

4. Stuck on Trying to Figure Things Out.

5. Stuck on What’s Next?

6. Stuck on my Ego.

7. Stuck on All of the Above.

*******************

I’m currently not working (my year-long attempt to start-up a small business, Yoga at Work, has ended in a lost cause).

Therefore, I’m not bringing in an income.

Which means I’m home a lot (cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids).

And lost in too many thoughts.

*******************

And so, I compassionately process.

I stop (S) and take a breath.

And, tell (T) myself what I’m feeling.

Disappointed.

Guilt.

Frustration.

And, I check in honestly to see what may be underneath (U) all of these emotions.

1.  That, at the age of 40, I believe there are people in this world that may be disappointed in me that I have not become someone.  Having grown up in upper-middle class suburbia and having attended a high ranked high school and two universities, I believe the world expects me to be someone professionally. These feelings are coupled with my recent visit to the States where I reunited with high schools friends all of whom seem to have become someone.

Which I have not.

2.  That, I believe, it’s important that I bring in an income to my family.  No matter what I may be doing, I should be earning money.

Which I am not.

3.  That, I believe, it’s important how others view me.  That is, if I am earning money in a reputable job, then people will have more respect for me.

Which now they don’t.

4. That, I believe, having a profession is the most important thing to create meaning in one’s life.

Which I don’t have (both a profession nor meaning in my life).

***************

And miraculously, the moment I write all these thoughts down and really allow myself to feel these feelings, I can begin to watch them dissipate.

And realize that all of those feelings I was holding onto were just beliefs.

And not Truths.

I actually do not believe there are people in this world that are disappointed in me; and on the same breath can say with confidence that there are people in this world that are proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished.

While I do believe earning an income (in general) is important (and often times necessary), in the current family situation in which I’m in now, I am in a fortunate place where I can say earning an immediate income is not a necessity.

If people are actually judging me on whether I have a job or not (or what that job may be), then quite frankly, I probably shouldn’t care to be their friend.

And, of course having a profession is not the most important thing to create meaning in one’s life.  (In fact, I could write a book on the things that have created meaning in my life and only a few of them would touch on profession.)

******************

And so, in this space, I can choose (C) another way of believing; another perspective.

Instead of negatively looking at my life with all the “I’m nots”, I can choose to look at where I am in my life right now with a sense of curiosity.

And allow myself to recognize (and be grateful for) the freedom which I have to just be in that space for the time being.

And perhaps gently notice if something is awaiting me.

Like open doors.

Or a certain calling that I have never heeded or explored.

With patience, time will tell.

And so, in the meantime, I just remind myself it’s ok (K) that I got Stuck on All of the Above in the first place.