The S.T.U.C.K. Method

Five Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being


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Stuck on It’s YOUR Fault!

Monday afternoons are challenging for me.

I drive my kids to various extra-curricular activities, drop one kid off here, drop another kid off there, do a food shop in between, pick one kid up and then pick the other kid up and then finally head home.

It’s quite exhausting and by the time we return home it’s nearly 7 pm.

When I walk into the house with my packages, it’s never quite clear if my other two children, who stayed home with my husband, ate dinner or not.

Last night, I came home famished and noticed there was no dinner on the table.

I asked my husband if he could make a salad which he generously agreed to.

As I was putting the groceries away, I heard my husband tell the kids the salad was ready, but no one came to the island to eat.

“I don’t think anyone wants to eat,” he said to me.

“Great,” I responded. “A quiet dinner just the two of us.”

We just started eating when our five-year old approached the island and started bouncing up and down yelling, “I want salad! I want salad!”

“OK,” I responded, “So sit down!”

But, he kept bouncing.

20160216_063551 - CopyAnd then inadvertently hit his head on the corner of the island.

Agh!

He started to scream.

And so did I.

I turned to my husband and whined, “Why did you say the kids don’t want to eat?”

Dumbfounded, he responded defensively, “What’s the connection between whether or not the kids came to the table and the fact that Amir just hit his head? Are you trying to blame me for Amir getting hurt?”

Feeling the situation escalating, I responded in an extremely calm voice, “You don’t need to yell at me.”

“But, why do you do that?” he continued to insist.

And all during this exchange, our son was still screaming and receiving no attention.

So, I turned to him, gave him some ice and a big hug.

He calmed down within seconds, climbed up to his bar stool, and began eating.

But, my husband and I weren’t done with the scene.

“Can we talk about what just happened?” my husband initiated.

“No, I’d rather not talk right now,” I replied.

“Well, I’d like to talk about it,” he insisted.

Frustrated with his insistence, I stopped and quickly thought about it. I told myself I was stuck on frustration. I uncovered one belief: Because my husband did not insist that all our children come to the table, Amir hit his head. I checked on my belief and realized it wasn’t 100% accurate. In fact, it was far from the truth.  I considered that the incident had absolutely nothing to do with whether or not my husband insisted our children eat with us and I considered I was wrong for blaming my husband for it.

“Look. I got stuck. I’m sorry. Can we move on with our lives?” I pleaded.

“Ah. An apology. It’s all I wanted to hear,” he said.

Hmph.

And then I began to cry right into my bowl of salad.

Not because of my husband’s behavior, but because I was mad at myself when, in the heat of the moment, I forgot to pause.

To stop immediately when I get triggered.

Then I remembered I forgot “K”.

So, in that moment, I held myself in compassion and told myself that it was OK I got stuck on frustration in the first place and that while I have the best intentions to slow down my lightning fast reactivity, I don’t always succeed because I’m not perfect.

With that, I became grateful my husband accepted my apology and grateful for having the tools to be able to get unstuck and move on with my life and with mindful well-being.


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Stuck on Twitter

twitter2I opened a Twitter account November 2013.

I don’t even remember why to be honest.

It’s not like I ever used it.

Until two weeks ago when a friend of mine strongly suggested I get active on Twitter as a way to spread my message (and upcoming book) about S.T.U.C.K.

Oh boy.

I don’t have time for this.

And I have Facebook!

Isn’t that enough?

Well, apparently not, if I want to broaden my spectrum of professional connections across the world.

So, impulsive me, I opened up Twitter that night.

(As if I had nothing else better to do on a Saturday night.)

Do I really need to be spending my time on this?

And what am I supposed to be doing on Twitter anyway?

I was clueless.

So my dear friend graciously offered me a Twitter crash course.

I learned all sorts of things like how to start getting followers, when to tweet, what to tweet about, why to tweet, and the importance of conversations and maintaining connections/relationships you build.

After this lesson, though I was still hesitant, I thought maybe Twitter wouldn’t be as intimidating as I had originally thought.

So, I gave it a second chance.

I updated my bio and started to follow more people.

I posted a picture of my daughter dancing with a caption, “Consider taking a leap of faith.”

Should one post a picture of their child on Twitter, like they do on Facebook?

Can I delete a tweet?

I read, liked and retweeted people’s messages, but the truth is, I couldn’t even quite understand the tweets because instead of normal sentences you find on Facebook, here on #Twitter, #words #hashtags and shortened #URLs no #sense #clarity.

I tried to private message a new Twitter acquaintance who offered to help me get around, but my attempt at private messaging actually turned into a public tweet for all to see.

Sugh.

I posted an article about a woman who left her husband because she was stuck her husband left the dishes in the sink. I used the hashtag #thestuckmethod in my tweet, but apparently you don’t hashtag #thestuckmethod because no one would be doing a hashtag search for “thestuckmethod”.

Can you hashtag #stress? Yes.

#Anxious? Yes.

#Overwhelmed? Yes.

Can someone just put me in a time machine and take me back to the 50’s? I think that’s where I wanna be living.

I walked away from the computer, lay down on my yoga mat, and did some deep breathing.

I thought about how I need to build up an audience to spread the message of S.T.U.C.K.

I thought about how I need Twitter to make that happen.

I thought about all the missed opportunities that will happen if I don’t get a strong Twitter presence.

But I reflected on those beliefs and realized they weren’t entirely true.

So, I considered the following:

1) At this point, I really don’t know how the business of S.T.U.C.K. is going to unfold and therefore don’t know what my marketing strategy will be.

2) If need be, I could hire someone to do Twitter marketing for me.

3) I could continue to play around with Twitter for a short time and see how it goes without feeling stressed. Maybe I would actually enjoy it. Maybe I would meet other like-minded folks and broaden my community.

4) If in the end I choose not to stay on Twitter, it’s totally fine.

So, instead of being overwhelmed with what I think I need to do or what others are telling me I must do, I’m just going to take it easy for now.

Without any pressure.

I’m going to play around and see what’s going on in the world of Twitter out of pure interest and curiosity and nothing more.

*****

I got stuck on overwhelmed, but it’s OK.

I’m probably not alone in this world of heightened social media.

But what I do know is that with or without Twitter, I am grateful for the good life I have.