I want to purchase a new instrument.
And create new music.
Music in Hebrew.
Music in Arabic.
Music to bridge people.
Music to light inner sparks.
Music for healing.
Music for uplifting.
Must for the old.
Must for the sick.
Music for the young.
Music to inspire.
Music for the inspired.
Music for those who have lost hope.
Music who seek meaning.
Music for meditation.
Music for the believers.
Music for the non-believers.
And I’m excited.
The impulsive side of me is bursting with excitement.
For what the future may bring.
When I get my harmonium.
(Which I’ve now been sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting anxiously for now, for about 4 months.)
And I’m stuck.
Stuck because I don’t even have the instrument yet.
Stuck because I never really played this instrument before. (Just a couple of times.)
Stuck because I don’t even know if I’ll be able to create the music and the vision I’m dreaming of.
And stuck because I keep thinking about tomorrow,
and how awesome it will be,
and forgetting about today.
And this very moment.
Simple because I’m excited.
Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
But, something just to notice.
So, I stop.
And tell myself how I’m feeling (anxious, excited, etc.),
And search what may be underneath this all (not having a job/profession that I feel totally complete with at the moment and also feeling that at the age of 41 I should know what I’m doing with my life).
And with that, I realize I can (and should) sit patiently and wait for my instrument to be imported from India to Tel Aviv.
And go back to slowing down, breathing one breath at a time, and watching life unfold as it should,
and as it is.
Instead of racing to the final destination.
And just enjoy the ride.