The S.T.U.C.K. Method

Five Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being




It was 9 am and I was just about to enter the egalitarian synagogue on our kibbutz when two boys riding along the sidewalk adjacent to the synagogue, stopped and got off their bikes.

(*To understand the conversation below, it’s important to understand that these two boys live in the neighborhood outside of the kibbutz and whose families do not take part in regular kibbutz religious or social activities.)

Boy 1: “What is this building?”

Ok, I was already in shock.  I responded even before the 2nd boy had a chance to.  “The synagogue on the kibbutz.  You didn’t know?”

Boy 2: “No, that’s the synagogue”, pointing to the recently built youth hall in which a group of people decided to form their own Orthodox minyan (prayer forum).

Me: “Actually, this is a synagogue and people come to pray here on Shabbat and holidays.  This is my synagogue.”

Boy 2 to boy 1 (in a disgusted kind of way): “This is NOT a synagogue.  And you know why?  Girls!  Men and women sitting together!  Kippot (head coverings)!  Tallitot (prayer shawls).  Agh!  This is NOT a synagogue.  Let’s go.”

And, off they went.

And, as I stood there by myself, my mind went directly up to a branch.

Boy, was I stuck.

On a few things.

First, I judged those two boys… (What disrespect! What lack of manners!  What lack of tolerance!)

Then, I judged their parents… (How could they be teaching their children this?… Are these the seedlings of a civil war?)

Then, I was stuck on needing to fix this problem.

True, this is not a real civil war (thank God), and no one is throwing stones at us, but this is not acceptable! This definitely could lead our community down a terrible path.

Yet, the more I practice to be aware of the branches I’m stuck hanging onto, the quicker I find myself getting off them.

And just noticing.

And just breathing.

And just recognizing that in that moment, there was nothing really to resolve.

Except for me to be present.

And, practice not getting distracted.

From just noticing what is real.

Like my feelings.

My emotions.

Just noticing them.

Without reacting.

So instead, I walked into the synagogue, and when I sang “Oseh Shalom” (God will make peace for all of us), I prayed that all humans will eventually wake up to do the same.

So instead of a civil war where kids learn to despise their neighbors’ religious practices, they will learn to simply open their hearts to just noticing.

Like me.


Author: Shira Taylor Gura

Well-Being Coach, Podcast Host, Author of the award winning book, Getting unSTUCK: 5 Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being.

4 thoughts on “STUCK on a CIVIL WAR

  1. Hi shir, that is great! I love reading your blogs! 🙂 me

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. I love how you handled it. Usually when any negative situation arises, I’m tense and anxious the entire day and I can’t even sleep at night. I like how you acknowledged your feelings and moved on. On a separate note, I also notice the same reaction with Israelis in the US. Many don’t like the conservative or reform shuls because of the things you mentioned, yet they never attend shul anyway. Interesting.

  3. Thanks, Jen, for your response. Yes, the same thing happens here. It’s very interesting to observe and practice to notice, without judging them! Interesting and difficult!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s